From time to time, you may delete all messages, emails and burn down all envelopes and photographs. Sometimes, memories obsess your mind and disturb you all day long. Sad memories seems to linger for a long time and conceals itself so deeply in your innermost heart that it can’t be forgotten quietly. The memories at times needs to "hibernate" so that  broken- hearts have enough time to transform into sweet memories.

You wander all day long with your friends; you turn on music loud. You try to work hard. However, you must sometimes cool down to face the memories of which most are often sad. You may destroy your diary but the memories can be recalled by any thing such as a familiar scent, a conincidence, a laugh. Even a breath of air, a beam of sunlight can arouse a vague melancholy and stinging pain in the heart. In such moments, your shoulders may shrink, your arms may dangle as if their vigour is squeezed out. In such moment, you may read the diary as a compromise with the memories.

But some memories arekept with great carefulness. Then, you may wonder yourself that how can you haven’t cast any look at them for such a long time. “Well! The memories will fade as time goes by.” – may you exclaim. You probably blame for busyness. There are a lot of things to remember while you have too little time.  A little joy is often neglected. Good or funny things in life are less present in the diary than reproaches and torment (to people around you and youself). Let’s read again. How happy you were when you passed university entrance exam! Many great plans came to you when you held in your hand the very first pay of extra-work. How joyful you were when you received unexpected birthday gifts! Certainly, you can’t forget the first nod, the first love glance and the first date.

Now there are blogs. Online diaries bloom in Internet. Emotion and feeling are expressed and shared without any time and space limit, without any culture and language barrier. These create fires of personal sentiments. Their  ash is overwhelmed in the digital space, arising many good things and causing troubles as well. However, no one dare to bare all of their heart on the Internet. You still need “somewhere” for you to confide but hide yourself. A hand-written notebook or a file with your own personal password still exist for you to express your innermost feeling. You need to write the diary for yourself so that you may re-read it sometimes. Inspite of a mixture of cheefulness and sadness in the diary, you should feel happy because  life offers so many things to remember. No one doesn’t have their own deep and secret inmost thought. That is very personal place for people to face tothemselves: no laugh can echo, no warm embrace can reach,  even kisses fail to touch in their heart of heart.Absolutely personal.

I am 20 years old, too young to philosophize about life. Lines of confidence in the diary are self-experience, self-promise and self-teaching. At times, I mock myself. I show all of tones of emotion in words. I arrange all of my memories into simple and complex sentences. I pay attention to each full stop, each comma and spelling mistake when writing about the sorrowfulness. Am I honest with myself?

When you start to employ words such as “in the past”, “at that time”,etc., you begin to talk with the memories. It means that you start to review your own “assets”. The memories may be either sad or happy but they are all fermented sweetly by Father Time. Sometimes, I find myself like an aged person because I often look back on my past. What was I doing this time last year? Where was I in The New Year’s Eve of my 12^th high-school class? I feel about for feeling of the first kiss. A certain musician composed his song: “ All women have their own past to remember but my sweetheart has only future…”. Alas! The memories – the past…Athough they probably hurt you sometimes, it is better to have something to own than an emptiness behind layers of the past. What will you be if your past is empty and dull? You feel very unfortunate.

Ah! This morning, I had an interesting talk with a stranger but I forgot to write it in the diary. I check the diary and find that I have sweet memories. Now I should return to the present.

• Written by Phuong Viet
• Translated by To Uyen